[Posted to Xanga 4/11/11]

Guys guys GUYS. I am moving to Olympia.

My parents are helping me go to Seattle and Boston. What I truly want is finally what’s best for me. The people who were real will become internet shadows, and the one person who was always an internet shadow will become real. Everything is all flipped around.

And I feel happy.

I have the capacity to feel fear again. This is something I'd forgotten about--caring about my life enough to be afraid walking the streets of Atlanta. Thinking about dying and wincing away from it instead of wishing for it. And I find myself annoyed by this miracle. It's like, hey, I actually really want out of this situation and it bothers me. What on earth is going on? Why can't I just do whatever I want like I could before?

People around me are unhappy that I'm leaving (even if they're happy for my sake) and I actually have the emotional capacity to reach out to them.

Is this really happening?

I bought plane tickets.

Across the CONTINENT.

And I have never felt better about any decision in my life.