If something's hurting you then you have to know what it is to make it go away. If you're running away from something it's not going to stop chasing you until you turn around and face it. If you're afraid and alone and angry and ashamed and you want to be needed and you need to be needed and you're searching for something that everyone else already has, you have to know WHY you feel that way--you have to know why you need to be needed more than those around you. And if it hurts every time you try to face it, that just means you need even more to face it, before it can tear you apart inside even more than it already has, before you can get any more desperate, before you can feel any more lost. If you're afraid it will destroy you inside, if you are afraid you will have no reason to live or it'll take you apart, imagine running away from it for the rest of your life, feeling like that for the rest of your life. If you face it, if you endure it (and you can), if you weather the storm, you will feel better, you will feel alive, or at the very least purified, purged. And if you've buried it deeply enough that you don't even have an idea of what you're running from, you have to dig through your emotions and your past to find it to be able to make it go away.

Being needed by another person or having another person to need is not going to fix it for you. That's a coverup. That's something that keeps you from thinking about what you're hiding from yourself. That's escapism. No matter how much you smoke or snort or drink or cut or obsess or any other action like that, no matter how far you go, you can never run far away enough from something that is inside your own self. The more you try, the deeper a hole you dig for yourself. The more you try, the more days or weeks or months or years you've used up running away instead of being able to live your life without being afraid in your own mind.

Your best friend can't fix it for you. Your family can't fix it for you. The love of your life can't fix it for you. A psychiatrist can't fix it for you. They can help but nobody can fix it but you. Nobody can face it but you. I have done this. I've been through hell and back. I can tell you that it's worth it. Don't let your fear get the best of you. Don't let your fear condemn you to a life of running and hiding. Don't think it's not worth it.